How to become an ultimate maniac ninja!

okay. i'm gonna teach you worthless little baby ninjas how to by a HIGH-
FLYING @%#-KICKING NINJA THAT WILL @#$% EVERYONE UP!!! More
lessons coming soon...

Here is a step by step lesson:

LESSON 1: The Basic Requirements

1: Okay, first of all, NEVER tell anyone that you are a ninja. Not
even your family. They will think you are illusinating, and will call the mental institution.

2: Be sure that you have all the neccesary tools on you. Suppose you
have to lodge a kunai (ninja knife for those who do not know) into some
guys brain, but you don't have crap. You're gonna die. Flat out. Die.
D-I-E. DIE!!!!

3: Be wary of your sense of camoflauge. Always wear an outfit that fits the
colors of the area you must go to. Now don't go saying:
"Aww... I'm gonna wear this pretty pink powerpuff girls costume because
its cute. I'm sure the bad meanies win't notice my cutsie-wootsie costume in the snow."
If you do so, your gonna get shot. You will be screwed.
DON'T DO IT

4: Be nice. Live and let DIE.

END OF LESSON 1

Lesson two will be here soon. This will ACTUALLY teach you how to become a ninja. It should be posted in like twenty minutes.

Here is lesson two! This lesson will teach you how to actually become a
ninja!

LESSON 2: How To Become An Amateur Ninja

1: Find a tough person. This step is VERY PAINFUL. Ask them to throw you
across the room, to scrape you against raw concrete like soap on skin,
to snap your bones like twigs, you name it. It'll teach you to deal with pain.

2: Run around your house, 20 laps per day. I know. I know. This'll suck,
but you'll then become the next sonic the hedgehog.

3: Go to a shuriken shop and steal some tools. Try lodging them into a tree
or someones head. Whichever one suits you better. I don't really care.
This'll teach you aiming abilities.

4: Beat up a tree. This'll teach you strength. Then again, it'll also teach you
how to break your hands off and leave little knubs of bloodiness.

5: Watch your diet! The key to Ninja abilities is mostly agility! If you
engorge yourself, you won't be able to pull off a ninja gaiden, a solid
snake, a sam fisher, whatever you call it, you won't be able to be stealthy
if your a globby mess that will break through the roof or the floor of the
helicopter that is delivering you to the target house.

6: Practice often! This is the most important aspect! If you don't practice,
you'll never surpass the rank of ugly most-likley to be disowned baby ninja!
PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT!! Actually, not perfect perfect... But you
know what I mean!

END OF LESSON 2

There ends lesson 2. Since I can't develop any more tips at the moment,
follow these steps continously until more lessons are added soonish.
RINSE, LATHER, REPEAT!

If these tips make you a better ninja, then let me know through this topic
or a PM!

Here is the third lesson, which deals with the right ways to accomplish a mission.

LESSON 3: How To Properly Execute A Minor Mission

1: Make sure you are prepared! Don't bring action figures if you're on an
assassination mission! What're pieces of crap made in plastic factories
gonna do for you? Get you killed, that's what. Also, as stated in lesson 1,

Be sure that you have all the neccesary tools on you. Suppose
you have to lodge a kunai (ninja knife for those who do not know) into
some guys brain, but you don't have crap. You're gonna die. Flat out. Die.
D-I-E. DIE!!!!

Even though this was mentioned before, it shows
how important the basics are. And if you think that reviewing the basics is
a waste of time, then you are WRONG!!! If you think this, I'll eat you.
Case closed.


2: If you are sneaking up behind someone, do it right! Put your dominant
hand on the same knee (righties put right hand on right knee, lefties on
left,) and push your knee up in a crouching position. Don't run up to them
like some crazed serial killer. Actually, scratch that. That might work if you
do it fast enough. High profile or low. Just don't skip, gallop, wander,
casually walk, or any other of that crap. Their gonna hear you and take
out the scary barbed whip, otherwise known as "The Whip".

3: If you encounter "The Whip", then we'll find another ninja to train.

4: If you are in a retrevial mission, then get what you need to get! Don't
go and steal an extra bit of money for yourself. Although you may be
sneaky, you're not gonna get it You'll meet "The Whip", and will need to
refer to instruction 3 of this lesson. Also, don't get the wrong thing! Every
time you complete a mission, you're profile towards your enemy will
increase, and enemies will reconize you. They'll kill you on sight if you go
back. That is why you must train hard before missions, to increase your
deadliness.

5: Team before mission! Although it may seem weird to some ninjas,
teammates come before the completion of the mission! Here is something I
would not want to hear: "I finished the mission sir." "Where's your
teammates?" "Dead. But at least I finished the mission." If I DO hear this,
you will be cooked on my stove.

6: Get the mission done fast! Simply put. Take too long, and the enemy will find you and use "The Whip".

END OF LESSON

Gosh, I don't know if I want to be a ninja now... You've ruined my dreams, master ninja!

By the way, it seems that in order to be a ninja you have to get eaten, whipped to death,
or eaten by crazed serial killers. I'd rather just be a normal assasin... B

Actually, that happens if you do things WRONG. I'm sure you
won't =P. ( <-- Ninja!
/\

Then that might be a problem for me...crap. You know what, I think I'd rather be more along the lines of a sumo wrestler. Ya know, where I won't die. I could get sumo undies with pandas on them, lol!

I decided to be kind and show all of you baby ninja's a new lesson. A VIDEO LESSON! I hope this lesson will make you a better ninja, and that It won't spoil you.

SPECIAL LESSON #1: A Video Lesson



Here is the first video. It shows proper running form.



Notice how he does not seperate his legs by a little.
He does not flail his arms like a psycho either. Make
sure that you run like this ALWAYS. Moving on now.


To be continued...

or you could just watch this.

Itz How To Be Ninja by Nigahiga

Yes, but those are DIFFERNET ways... My way is more effectient...

His way is more awesome