Joke thread

[Ozzy]

Just post all your jokes here.

[Ozzy]

There were 2 muffins in an oven,
One goes to the other and says
" It is sure hot in here ".
The other muffin replies back
" AHH! A TALKING MUFFIN!"

[The Gamer Lord]

groan....

[The Gamer Lord]

How this one?

A duck walks into a store and asks the manager, "got any duck food?" The manger says" No and we don't allow ducks in here so get out." The duck comes back the next day and asks "got any duck food?" The manger says, "No and i already told you we don't allow ducks in here and if you come back tomorrow ill nail your little webbed feet to the floor!" The duck comes back the next day and asks, "got any nails?" The manger says, "no" the duck says "got any duck food?"

[Ozzy]

100 post.

a piece of string walks into a bar and asks if he can buy a drink. The bar man then states that they cannot sell to pieces of strings. The piece of string then goes outside ties a knot in him and frays the two ends of him. He walks back in and asks for a drink. The barman then question " weren't you the piece of string that was in here just before?". The string then replies.. " No!, I'm a frayed knot

[The Gamer Lord]

ok that's pretty funny. :

*opens up joke book*
what do you get when you grill a Barbie doll?

Spoiler:

Why did the athlete take up bowling?

Spoiler:

What cucumber say to the vinager?

Spoiler:

[Custom K]

Good one Ozzy! TGL, I don't get why the vinager has anything to do with the pickle.

[The Gamer Lord]

a pickle is a cucumber with vinager to pickle it
its a pickled cucumber

[Custom K]

Ok I got it.

[SpartanPie]

Okay, here's a joke I learned a while ago: There are 3 kids, their names are Trouble, Shut-up, and Your Manners. Shut-up is looking for Trouble, and Your manners in the bathroom nearby. While Shut-up is looking for Trouble, a police officer comes up and asks, "What's your name, kid?" Shut-up replies,"Shut-up." The policeman says, "No, what's your name?" Shut-up once more repeats, "Shut-up." Then the policeman asks, "Where's your manners?" "In the bathroom." says Shut-up. Then the policeman asks, "Are you looking for trouble?" Shut-up replies, "Yes, please.THE END!!! Funny joke, huh? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!![/u][/i]

[White Knight]

HAHAHA eh? Prertty funny

[death20]

Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God says: "So you would love her."
"But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"
God says: "So she would love you."
______________________________________________________
How can you tell soap operas are fictional?
In real life, men aren't affectionate out of bed.
______________________________________________________

[Custom K]

Nice one!

[TomS]

Some really bad day:


There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He

stays like that for half of an hour.


Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

[SpartanPie]

Ha! Good one!

Not my jokes but funny